Nemesis
by FFYP-Det-Lawliet
Summary: Light Yagami’s alter-ego wasn‘t about to get the better of L… A response to FFYP-det-Yagami’s fic, ‘Alter Ego.’ Very fluffy, very silly and a bit OOC.


_**Disclaimer: **_Death Note? _Not mine. Posture Man? Also not mine… Misa would kill me._

_**Author's note:**__ As _Nemesis_ is a response to FFYP-det-Yagami's _Alter Ego,_ it would be helpful if you've read that fic already. It's not strictly necessary, but it helps this randomness make a little more sense…_

* * *

Midnight.

A score of monitors cast their harsh, cold glow over two figures.

Together in the gloom.

Worlds apart in themselves.

One was young and undeniably handsome. He sat, poker straight in his chair, tapping diligently at his computer keyboard. Dashing. Charming. Well presented. Faultless posture. Perfection embodied, doubtlessly, to almost all who met him. Almost.

The other figure, a young man only a few years his companion's senior, sat hunched over the remnants of a crème caramel, making patterns in the syrup with his fork. His messy black hair, dark-rimmed eyes and death-pale skin were simply enhanced by the stark light from the screens. Unkempt and awkward, the ghost of something other. In many ways, the two were the antithesis of one another.

Ignoring the myriad monitors before him, the older of the two gazed at the attractive young man across the length of the chain that bound them.

He was perfect. Too perfect.

His greatest ally.

His worst enemy.

Light Yagami.

Kira.

Posture Man.

Posture Man. The personification of health and well-being. The promoter of etiquette and good social grace. The bane of his life.

Frequent visits from the masked man, Light-kun's 'heroic' alter-ego, had left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. Sometimes literally.

Denied desserts. Lectured over table manners. Served vegetables. Straightened up. Fitted with a back brace. It was too much, too often… too stupid. He had thought Light-kun above such childishness. He had hoped the novelty would wear off. But almost three weeks had gone by and still the foolishness persisted.

Something had to be done.

Something drastic.

He had to beat Light Yagami at his own game.

--

_Three days later…_

"Mogi-san."

L's voice punctuated the busy hush of the Task Force office. A large, heavy-set man put aside a stack of papers and stood. He turned to face the detective, inclining his head in a respectful bow.

"Yes, Ryuzaki?"

"I will need to absent myself from the room for a short time. I must attend to some private matters, and as such I do not wish to be accompanied. May I leave Light-kun with you?"

Mogi blinked. The other Task Force members adopted suitably bewildered expressions. As far as they were aware, there had only been one instance in which L and Light had been away from one another for any length of time since the day they had been chained together. This was unusual. Nevertheless, no-one questioned L's request.

"…Yes, Ryuzaki."

"Thank you."

L walked across to Mogi; hands by his sides, soft indoor shoes tapping against the tiled floor. His spine was so straight it could be used to rule lines. The Task Force stared in disbelief. It was difficult enough to accept L's new sitting position - back straight, feet on the floor, calves perpendicular from his thighs - but to see him walking so… normally…

Light Yagami followed the new L.

Posture Man smiled proudly at his achievement.

Mogi held out a wrist. The cuffs were transferred.

"I'll be back soon."

The sound of soft shoes padded away down the hallway.

"What is wrong with Ryuzaki today?" mused Matsuda aloud. "He's so… normal!"

"There's nothing wrong with him, Matsuda - he's just following good advice," Light grinned. "He had toast at breakfast today instead of those jam tarts he's been eating lately - he hasn't been chewing his thumb, either…"

"Oh yeah… Posture Man's really done his job well, huh?" Matsuda winked at Light.

Light nodded happily.

_I've won…_

--

A room on the ninth floor.

L knocked gently before entering, not bothering to wait for a response.

"Ah, there you are."

"Is it ready, Watari?"

"Yes. I hope it's what you wanted."

The elderly gentleman stepped aside to offer a better view.

"It's perfect."

L slid his feet out of those awful shoes. Watari turned to face the corner of the room out of courtesy.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, L?"

"I'm unsure that it is a _good_ idea, Watari," L replied amidst the rustling of fabric, "but it should be fun…"

--

"Anyone for coffee?"

A series of grunted assents followed this question, and Matsuda obliged, heading over to the coffee-maker in the corner of the room. Soichiro Yagami and Aizawa discussed elements of the Kira case. Mogi continued with his paperwork, apparently unaffected by the persistent clinking of the chain.

Light Yagami leaned his head on his palm. Where had L got to? He glanced over at the doorway. No-one there…

Light was about to look away again when, out of the corner of his eye, he saw something. Something green…

"Hey… did anyone else just see something move out in the corridor?"

The others shook their heads.

"Maybe it was Ryuzaki?" Matsuda suggested.

"Unlikely - I saw something green…"

"Huh…"

The others squinted at the doorway, hoping to catch a glimpse of this mystery intruder. Aizawa set the large screen to monitor the hallway to watch from a different angle.

Another flash of green.

"I saw it!"

"Very odd… what do you think it was?"

"It was definitely human… and it seemed to be wearing a cape…"

Light groaned as he assessed the situation. He was fairly certain he knew what was coming…

Before Light had the chance to explain his suspicions to the others, however, all of the lights in the office and the corridor outside it suddenly cut out.

"A power cut…?"

"No Matsuda - look… the computers are still on."

"Oh yeah…"

Shadows danced across the room as the monitors began to flicker, painting normally tanned skins with a deathly pallor.

Off.

On. A gothic letter L.

Off.

On. A letter G. Sans serif. Brightly patterned with candy motifs.

Off.

Engulfed in shadow.

No-one spoke, no-one moved. They were unsure what to make of this situation. This building was supposed to be impenetrable… who was responsible for this? Light knew. He was not surprised by what happened next.

"_Your plan has so far gone smoothly, has it not, Posture Man?" _A garbled voice resonated from the computer speakers as the screens flickered back to life. The colourful letter G again.

"Posture Man?" Matsuda glanced at Light uncertainly. "Who is this guy? He's using the same kind of weird voice as Ryuzaki and… oh! Do you think…?"

"Yes, Matsuda…" Light nodded stiffly. "Ryuzaki - where the hell are you?"

"_Ah-ah…" _the distorted voice chided, _"not Ryuzaki…"_

Light sighed. "Fine - which one of you am I talking to this time, then?"

"_None you have met before… and yet all that you knew I was…" _the voice said, grandly.

"…Did that even make sense?"

"_I am the oppressed. Deprived of sugary goodness, I have become bitter. Forced to bed at ten thirty, I have become tired… ironically. Tortured and humiliated by you, Posture Man, and your quest for perfection! But no more!!" _The voice sounded as though it had taken acting lessons at the William Shatner School of Ham. _"I will _not_ eat three square meals a day! I will _not _keep my legs at a perfect ninety-degree angle when I sit! I will _NOT _suffer a back brace again!!"_

The voice paused dramatically. If he got any hammier he could be in very real danger of being served up with egg and tomato.

"_I am the dessert to wreck your diet plan. I am a caffeine fuelled late night. I am annoyed, quite frankly, and I shall be your undoing!"_

The voice crackled to a halt. Suddenly, there came a noise from behind the team. Simultaneously, they whipped around. Squinting into the darkness, they spotted a shadowy figure dropping from the ceiling, cape billowing. The silhouette landed, cat-like, before darting into the gloom.

The lights flickered back to life. The task force, stunned by the sudden glare, rubbed their eyes. Light was the first to readjust to the brightness. Looking sharply around the room, he soon uncovered the identity of the caped troublemaker.

"Nice outfit, Ryuzaki…"

L stood on the large desk near the monitors, thumbs hooked over a yellow and white striped belt. His slightly baggy green outfit bore the letter G in the same style as the one that had appeared on the screens earlier. The trim on his green satin cape complimented his striped utility belt perfectly. The whole ensemble shone brilliantly under the fluorescent lighting.

"Not Ryuzaki," the glistening green figure reminded Light, "I am your nemesis, Posture Man. I am… The Glucosinator!"

"Glu… what?"

Before Light had the chance to question L's choice of pseudonym, before he had time to point out how childish this whole situation had become and the fact that he was just a little mad that Posture Man had been upstaged and out-dressed, he was interrupted by a blur of green. The Glucosinator, swirling his cape dramatically to reveal it's candy-patterned lining, leapt down from his perch and swept over to Light's side. From a holster on his belt, he produced a large lollipop.

Gloved hands darted towards Light's midriff.

Tickle tickle.

As Light opened his mouth to laugh, or else protest, The Glucosinator made use of his sugary weapon.

"Suck on _that_, Posture Man."

With that, Posture Man's self-proclaimed arch-enemy bounded out of the room, cape swirling in his wake.

* * *

_**Author's note: **__… Couldn't think of a good ending… Bah. Anyway…_

_Don't blame me - FFYP-det-Yagami started it! And the people who reviewed _Alter Ego - _you know who you are! _

_As several reviewers for _A.E._ suggested, the obvious polar-opposite of Posture Man would be The Hunchback. Be that as it may, I just couldn't give L that persona - partly because I couldn't really think of what The Hunchback's goals would be (I don't think even L would believe that developing curvature of the spine is a good idea) or how he would go about achieving them, and partly because I just kept thinking of him hopping around the bell-tower of a French cathedral, fawning over Esmeralda… Not pretty. Hence, The Glucosinator. _

_Struggling to picture L in that lovely outfit? For visual aid (monochrome, unfortunately - I'm lazy), visit my profile! ;D_

_Review if you like - but if you do, just remember… you didn't HAVE to read it!_


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